A Scoop of Ice Cream
by CoffeeofMordor713
Summary: This is a parody crossover with Gilmore Girls, General Hospital, 7th Heaven, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean and more!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is a parody crossover on Gilmore Girls, Lord of the Rings trilogy, Pirates of the Caribbean, General Hospital, 7th Heaven, and snippets of Harry Potter, That 70's Show, Moulin Rouge, Spongebob SquarePants and more! Johnny Depp will make an appearance too. We might be insulting some favorite characters, and we really apologize. We only do for the humor! Please review! Flames are welcome; we need to know your opinions! Enjoy! Sara and Danielle, CoffeeofMordor713  
  
Those new to some shows, we'll write what shows the characters are from the first time each character appears. We'll use abbreviations, just try and keep up!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own these shows, only this parody and ourselves. (Sara: Do we own ourselves? Danielle: I'm not sure, I'll have to check.)  
  
Ch 1: The Haunted Star (part 1)  
  
A nice banquet was being held at the Haunted Star (a casino ship on General Hospital--GH). It was in honor of Lorelai Gilmore's inn opening (Gilmore Girls--GG), Lila Quartermaine's death (GH, much loved, died), and the return of the Black Pearl to Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean- -PotC) .  
  
Carly Corinthos (GH) went to get some scotch. She ran into a handsomely rugged sexy Jack Sparrow (PotC). "Hey."  
  
"Aye." Jack said eyeing her up and down. "Got a mate?"  
  
"Yeah I got a husband (Sonny Corinthos, GH). He has affairs though. He doesn't matter now you're here."  
  
"Oooohh. So yer mate isn't loyal. Is he a pirate? We tend to do that sometimes." He informed her. She slapped him across the face and strutted off. "I don't think I deserved that."  
  
Meanwhile, Emily Quartermaine (GH) went to the bar. Nikolas Cassadine (GH) and Lucky Spencer (GH) followed her.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you more!"  
  
"You are both drunk, I'm not speaking to either of you right now." Emily said firmly. "Scotch on the rocks, no ice."  
  
Mary Bishop (GH) popped up "Right away. Oh Connor (Nikolas, GH), so glad to see you!"  
  
"Shut up you incompetent bar slut!" Emily slapped her. Mary pulled her hair.  
  
Meanwhile a crash echoed in the back room. "Oh god Luke (GG) I want you!" Lorelai (GG) cried out breathlessly, spanking his ass.  
  
"I've waited so long..." Luke mumbled into her lightning-bug smelling hair. They kissed passionately, tugging at each other's clothes.  
  
Suddenly, the ghost of Satine (Moulin Rouge--MR) flew in through the window and started bitch-slapping Heather Webber (GH) who was very determined to drug everyone on board except Mr. Q. (GH) Unfortunately, J.R. (All My Children--AMC) beat her to it.  
  
"Honestly, you need to either shave your eyebrows or bleach them a lighter color. Then people will like you." Lois (GH) was telling Simon Camden (7th Heaven—7H) who desperately needed a makeover.  
  
Zidler (MR) went up to the mike. "Spectacular Spectacular! The hills are alive with the sound of music."  
  
Lucy Camden (7H) whined to Kevin (7H) "Kevin my baby's kicking too hard! Help me!"  
  
Kevin looked at Sam McCall (GH) longingly.  
  
"You like her! She's a murderer!" Lucy darkened her face like Gollum (LotR). "I hate you!" She ran and pouted in the punch bowl.  
  
Jess (previously on GG) did the tango up to Maxie (GH). "Hey sexy!"  
  
"Hey sexy!" My Band echoed throughout the hall.  
  
"I love what you did with the place." Miss Patty (GG) seduced Luke Spencer (GH).  
  
She seduced him again.  
  
Sonny (GH) jumped up in the air. "Free pizza!"  
  
He tore off his black suit, revealing white boxers with yellow smileys on them. He danced upon the tables.  
  
TJ (GG)went to Faith Rosco (GH) "I'm lovin the tights. They feel so good."  
  
"You're so right! They're fabulous! Where did you get them?"  
  
"I got them at Wet Seal."  
  
A shy Danny (GH) walked over to Rory (GG). "Hey, I got tickets to the Philadelphia football game, wanna come with me?" He asked.  
  
"Sorry, I'd rather read a book."  
  
"I think you're pretty." he said. She kept reading.  
  
Suddenly a bright light shone through the room. Everyone turned around and worshiped nothing in particular except Jack Sparrow (PotC).  
  
"There will be a day when the power of man shall fail. But it will not be this day, this day we fight!" King Aragorn (LotR) proclaimed.  
  
"Ah bloody scalawag!" yelled Jack drunkenly. "Yo ho!"  
  
The Flying Dutchman (Spongebob Squarepants—SS) flew in and shot Jack with his snot from his left nostril.  
  
Courtney and Jax (both GH) came in behind Aragorn.  
  
The Flying Dutchman shot Jack with his from his left nostril again.  
  
Spongebob (SS) walked over to Legolas (LotR). "Can you sign my spatula?" After signing his spatula, Legolas randomly shot off a chandeliere that crashed on the floor with an arrow.  
  
"Ahhh!" Jack yelled as it fell. The Flying Dutchman shot Jack with his from his left nostril again.  
  
A cat jumped on Lucy's (7H) head and peed on her.  
  
Jax started cooking all the food for Courtney and everyone else.  
  
Gandalf (LotR) led everyone in the electric slide, wearing a white towel with rubber duckys on it.  
  
Sonny (GH) started grinding Satine's (MR) ghost still wearing the boxers.  
  
Christian came in and punched sonny. He whipped out his story. "Get off my girl. These papers prove she is mine!"  
  
Everyone stopped doing what they were doing and started the Cha cha slide, except for the 2 Lukes (GH, GG) who were getting to know eachother better.  
  
"So do girls really like your rugged lumberjack style?" Luke (GH) asked concerned.  
  
"Uh, I guess." Grunted Luke (GG). Out of nowhere, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny (all Harry Potter—HP) came in through the window riding a hippogriff and started a four-some.  
  
Sirius Black (HP) came in and started discussing with Jack Sparrow (PotC) about their experience being an outsider, though they were both loved like crazy.  
  
Lucy started crying.  
  
Sirius turned into the grim. Jack screamed and ran into the bathrooms.  
  
Lorelai (GG) began discussing her new inn with Carly (GH), but it soon turned into a battle over who slept with more ppl.  
  
The guys from the movie Dodge Ball came in & started throwing wrenches. One hit Lucy (7H) in the stomach and she started howling on the floor in a tantrum. Kevin (7H) was making out with Sam (GH) furiously.  
  
"I had more kids!!!" Carly pointed out. Lorelai punched her. Things got messy. Luke (GG) and Sonny (GH) broke them up and started madly screwing their mate.  
  
Gimli (LotR) waddled over to Sookie (GG). "Hey I have a limo outside if you want to have some fun!"  
  
Sookie hurried to the kitchen to get away from him, but tripped. Suddenly, Monica and Alan (both GH) flew over to her on a jet plane to see if she needed a doctor.  
  
Tracy (GH) went on stage and started yelling at everyone. "I hate you all!"  
  
Edward (GH) came in "Tracy you're in pain."  
  
"I want my mommy!!!!" she screamed she ran blindly around beating everyone up. Lots of bodies lay around the room. Monica and Alan came and took care of everyone.  
  
"There are orcs and uruk-hai outside!" yelled Aragorn "Saruman (LotR) is coming!"  
  
Sonny (GH) dropped his pants and so did Jax (GH). They set up a stack of bottles and competed who could knock all the bottles down first by peeing.  
  
Carly and Lorelai continued to fight. "At least my kids have a family!" yelled Carly. "And a good father!"  
  
Michael and Morgan (Carly's kids, GH) lay curled up in a corner rolling back and forth.  
  
"My daughter is at least happy!" she turned to see Rory (GG) get carried away by an elephant. She didn't notice though, because she was reading a book.  
  
Out on the deck, Lucy was dancing like wildly. She climbed on the side and slipped off r into the water.  
  
Johnny Depp came in and made love to Sara, the writer.  
  
Everyone who got an Emmy that year went on stage to except another. Instead Luke, Zander, and Ric (all Emmy winners, GH) threw chocolate cake at the audience. Ric fell off and was dumped into the lake with Lucy.  
  
Kelso (That 70's Show—T7S) walked in and performed a one-man version of Moulin Rouge.  
  
Johnny realized what a mistake he had made and went and made love to Danielle. (Sara: Yeah right!)  
  
The orcs and uruk-hai came in the building. Nobody noticed because Aragorn was making love to Sara.  
  
Pippin and Merry (both LotR) started playing bowling with the bottles Sonny and Jax were using. The 4 of them got into a fight.  
  
"You don't even have a husband!" yelled Carly.  
  
"And I suppose your happy with a wangster whom you married 3 different times who has like 3 other kids with other women!" Lorelai yelled  
  
"He's no wangster, he's a gangster!"  
  
Sonny came in wearing a hat with Pikachu (Pokemon...LOL) on it turned to the right.  
  
"Wangster." Lorelai said.  
  
Ric (GH) tried to make love to Lucy. "No I am married and pregnant and I will always be committed to Kevin." Lucy yelled.  
  
"There's a wrench inside you and look over there" Ric pointed to Kevin and Sam (GH) naked falling into the water  
  
"But I love Kevin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she exclaimed.  
  
Faith (GH) went over to Merry and Pippin (both LotR) and gave them identical black wigs.  
  
Aragorn continued kissing Sara.  
  
Luke (GG) went over to Lorelai and proposed to her.  
  
"Oh yes!!!!!!!!!!!" They made love.  
  
They made love again.  
  
Michael Corinthos (Carly and Sonny's kid, GH) formed a tribe with all the babies/kids in GH, GG, and 7H called CWAA (Children Who Are Awesome)  
  
"Ok everyone link arms and start yelling 'we don't stop for no one!'" Michael instructed.  
  
Davy (GG), Morgan (GH), Charles (Mary's son, 7H), Gigi (GG), Sam and David (twins on 7H), Kristina (GH), and Michael charged across the club causing everyone to trip.  
  
Lucky went to Danielle and made out to her and Nikolas made love to Sara.  
  
Emily was devastated. So was Mary Bishop (GH).  
  
"Don't worry Emily! One day you will get Lucky back and I'll have Nikolas. Now we can be friends again!"  
  
Emily shot Mary "What I don't have a gun!"  
  
"At least I know where my kid is at all times and I'm always there for her!" Lorelai yelled.  
  
"Then where is she?"  
  
"She and Lucy are outside."  
  
Outside—  
  
"Nobody likes me as I'm older because I'm too boring." Rory (GG) said with no expression.  
  
"I'm too whiny now I'm older." Lucy (7H) whined.  
  
Inside—  
  
Danielle made out with Nikolas and Sara with Lucky.  
  
"Mary I love Emily." Nikolas said.  
  
"Grace I love Emily." Said lucky.  
  
"That's ok I have a huge wedding that everyone's coming to when I marry Johnny Depp." Said Danielle  
  
"That's ok I'm getting married to Aragorn when only Mary and Juliana and Jay Leno are coming." Said Sara.  
  
Ellen DeGeneres began dancing with Sonny (GH).  
  
"At least my husband is successful and rich and good-looking!" Carly said.  
  
"My husband is soooooooooooooooooooo sexy. At least when we're married we'll act like it!!" Lorelai yelled  
  
"Ooooohhhh!!! BURN!!!!" shouted no one in particular.  
  
"Everyone on earth is coming to my wedding." Sara told everyone.  
  
Suddenly, Zidler and the Duke (both MR) performed Like a Virgin, which caused everyone to be really scared and they all ran away.  
  
Lucy stayed behind.  
  
"Kevin, I love you!" She hired Jax (GH) to write that in the sky with his jet because according to Faith (GH) he has a thing for annoying blondes.  
  
They came back.  
  
"My husband is the best in the world! And if you can't accept that or believe it, then I don't want you in this house!" Lorelai yelled.  
  
Everyone stared at her.  
  
"Sorry I thought this was Emily Gilmore (GG) I was speaking to."  
  
"Ohhhhh!" Everyone gasped.  
  
Carly screamed "Aiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!" she started wrestling Lorelai on the bar.  
  
Sonny and Luke Danes (GG) sat watching while eating popcorn and drinking beer.  
  
"Your wife is hott" Sonny told Luke.  
  
"You're husband isn't even loyal! He's attracted to ME! But I love Luke!!!" Lorelai said.  
  
Jax started passing out $10 million checks to everyone and then turned into a gigolo because he was broke.  
  
"Duck!" Big Bert yelled.  
  
Everyone squatted on the floor.  
  
"Sorry." He said.  
  
Kelso (T7S) performed a one-man version of Pirates of the Caribbean.  
  
The Flying Dutchman (SS) shot Jack Sparrow with his snot from his left nostril again.  
  
Sonny put on sparkling pink sunglasses "Hey baby do you wanna dance?" He raised his eyebrows to Lorelai.  
  
"You seem like a nice guy, but I'm staying with Luke. I'm in love with him and I don't do affairs. They're not cool." Lorelai told him politely.  
  
Luke smiled while a halo appeared upon his head.  
  
Eugene (Hey Arnold—HA) came in. Jack threw a bottle at him. "I'm okay!" he yelled.  
  
Kelso performed a one-man version of the LotR trilogy.  
  
Skye walked over to Luke (GH). "Hi! I dug my way out of jail."  
  
"You're alive!" Luke cried tears of joy.  
  
They made out.  
  
Kelso performed a one-man version of Harry potter and the prisoner of Azkaban.  
  
A/N: Please review! Flames are welcome!!! Ch 2 will be up soon! 


	2. The haunted Star, part 2

A/N: Welcome to our parody! We'll continue adding the character's shows after their names, so try to keep up! Remember the humor is supposed to be funny, not offending, just read and review, you know what to do!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own the shows and we still don't know if we own ourselves, but we do own this crazy story!!  
  
Ch 2: The Haunted Star part 2  
  
The night was half way over. Things got pretty crazy and practically no one actually remembered to start the memorial for Lila. There was plenty of celebrating for Lorelai Gilmore's Dragonfly Inn and Captain Jack Sparrow's ship...  
  
Dillon (GH) came in with the two other Dillons from his dream.  
  
"Dillon me boy we cannot stay here. This sight is unhealthy for the eyes of a child of God." The Priest Dillon said.  
  
The wangster Dillon smacked him.  
  
Lorelai went to the bathroom.  
  
She went over to the sink and saw that her pregnancy test was positive.  
  
Suddenly, she spotted a magic bottle.  
  
"I'm Genie from Aladdin. You have 1 wish." Genie said casually.  
  
"I wish I had the biggest cup of coffee right now." She got it. She walked to Luke only to see 2 Dillons beating each other up.  
  
Georgie (GH) came up to the 3 Dillons. "What is going on here? Did you like clone yourself and have sex with them too!" She cried paranoid.  
  
"Georgie please. I love you." The real Dillon said.  
  
The Rugrats joined Michael's tribe  
  
Kelso did a one-man version of Spiderman.  
  
Lorelai walked up to Luke. "I'm pregnant."  
  
They made love.  
  
"See Carly, I'm having another baby!!"  
  
Lucky (GH) ate a cupcake.  
  
The wangster Dillon walked up to Rory. "Hey! You wanna get down?" he asked.  
  
"Sure, I'm too drunk anyway." She actually looked up from her book.  
  
"Everybody in the club getting TISPY!!!!!" It was at that time they all were. They all made out with the person on their right side. Except for Georgie who was too paranoid.  
  
Kelso did a one-man version of Star Wars. He sped thru the club with a pretend litesaber. "I am your FATHER!!!!!"  
  
Scandalous played on the stereo.  
  
Brooke Lynn went to the mic and began singing Leave (get out).  
  
Carly was sobbing in the corner eating her hair. Sonny went to her with an ice cream cone. "Carly I love you. Have a scoop of ice cream." He walked away.  
  
Legolas went to Lorelai "Your daughter is making love to an Oliphant." He informed her.  
  
Suddenly, the ice cream truck came and Sonny was driving it. "Bark, Bark! Meow, meow! Chirp, chirp! HELLO!!" It sang.  
  
Once the clock struck 2:37, everyone picked up a Y-shaped stick. "Y for Yucky Juliana!!"  
  
The Dillon priest was desperately trying to find peace. "No, nooo." He said sounding much like Pippin (LotR). "This is not good. Let's play volley ball!!!"  
  
Kelso performed a one-man version of the Notebook. Everyone was scared of the love scene.  
  
Suddenly, loud thuds echoed throughout the hall.  
  
"Ahhhh!" everyone screamed. Oliphants were bombing the world!!!  
  
Jason (GH) and Chandler (7H) dragged Arwen (LotR) into a pot and began cooking her.  
  
"Wahhhhh!" she cried. Lucy raced to her.  
  
"I know how you feel Arwen, no one likes me either. Because I whine a lot too!"  
  
"Get away bitch!" Arwen whined.  
  
"Get it out Arwen its ok." Lucy comforted her.  
  
Stephen Collins began preaching but nobody listened.  
  
Suddenly a wall fell down.  
  
"Excuse me people!" Luke Spencer (GH) yelled. "We have installed a 10 ft pool with 3 diving boards!"  
  
Sonny ran into the water with a purple and yellow Speedo on and began surfing. "Surfs up dudes!!! CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!"  
  
"Dumbass!" Red (T7S) yelled to Sonny.  
  
Kelso did a one-man version of the Matrix. "WHY WON'T ANYONE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!" he yelled.  
  
Hugo Weaving came in "Mr. Anderson."  
  
Frodo walked in with 20 photocopies of the ring on all his fingers and toes. "Oh where is my hairbrush?" he sang.  
  
Everyone got into a chorus line, "CE-BUUUUU!" they sang. "Achoo-moo-moo! Achoo-moo-moo! Achoo-moo-moo! Achoo-moo-moo-moo-moo!!!  
  
Jack Sparrow huddled in the corner of the ship. "My Precious! Now we can finally start a family together. Just me and My Precious!" he petted his newly found ring.  
  
Merry and Pippin, now in highly stylish black wigs, went over to the buffet. "It's time for supper!" Merry said.  
  
"No, Merry, you've got it all wrong. This is dinner." Pippin said as-a- matter-of-factly. "We had supper after we beat that phony Scottish priest at Volley-ball."  
  
"My dearest Pippin, everybody knows that that was afternoon tea!"  
  
"No it wasn't!" Pippin and Merry started punching each other.  
  
Sara broke up the fight. Then she and Pippin got down and dirty.  
  
Suddenly, Johnny and Baby, from Dirty Dancing walked on stage and started to dance dirty. All the couples stopped making love and grinded too.  
  
"I've had the time of my life. And I never felt this way before!" the 2nd season cast of American Idol started singing on stage.  
  
Johnny got ready to lift Baby, who was already running towards him. Once she jumped, Johnny Depp jumped on stage and knocked Johnny DD out of the way so she fell.  
  
"At last! I got to cause some pain to Jennifer Grey, who caused me much pain when she broke up with me!" Johnny cackled wildly and then stopped and cry because he was sad. Everyone stopped grinding and started throwing tomatoes wildly at Jennifer Grey, then set up a Hooker House with Johnny to raise his self-esteem.  
  
Merry and Pippin shook hands and agreed that it was a midnight snack. They then ordered cheeseburgers and sang "I love my cheeseburger, my lovely cheeseburger!!!"  
  
Kelso performed a one-man version of the Passion of the Christ. He then was rewarded a Golden Globe for his one-man shows.  
  
"I'd like to thank my parents for doin it!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
Pippin started beating up the Dillon priest for copying his accent.  
  
"It's MY chick magnet! You don't do it mercy! Fraud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pippin had tears in his eyes.  
  
Gandalf giggled and put on a yellow polka dotted bikini.  
  
"She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini!" he yelled kicking left and right. The American Idols echoed with oohs and ahhhs  
  
Sonny raced to the dance floor and began break dancing. He then grabbed the mic and called for Carly.  
  
She came over, Lorelai glaring at her, to Sonny. "What did you find out something else with Sam?" she yelled angrily.  
  
"Yeah she's with the horrible actor from 7H. I love you Carly with all my heart & I want to do a slutty dance with you."  
  
Carly beamed. They started grinding and break dancing while all the hobbits did a Jewish song in a circle around them.  
  
Michael and his tribe started playing tag.  
  
Jax canceled his gigolo business and turned it into a porn house.  
  
"Jax! I hate you. Your business is creepier then Jason's!!" Courtney yelled.  
  
Gandalf decided to film a commercial. It would be about low carb yogurt where he modeled bikinis. It was a hit.  
  
Merry and Pippin opened a lemonade stand. But before anyone knew it, they were unconscious, because Heather Webber drugged them. Alan and Monica saved the day!!!!  
  
Sam ate pie.  
  
Rosie and Sam starting break dancing on the docks everyone watched.  
  
"Throw buns!!!" yelled the crowd.  
  
"Barbara Manatee (manatee, manatee) you are the one for me (one 4 me, one 4 me)" Ric sang to Alexis.  
  
Everyone got bored of Sam and Rosie and went back inside to dance polkas.  
  
The cast of Friends came in and Monica and Ross did their dance number from high school. When Monica had to catch Ross she ran away and Ross fell into a large basket of corn.  
  
Frodo got in a fistfight with Jack over the ring. Gollum came in and started pulling Lorelai's hair. Luke began shooting at Gollum with a portable machine gun.  
  
Doc Ock ate 6 hot dogs.  
  
Soon, they all started a food fight.  
  
Kevin pulled Lucy's hair and used Harry's wand to turn it into spaghetti. Rory threw spinach at everyone who wasn't reading which was everyone except Luke GH who was reading the name tag of a waiter.  
  
Carly GH threw carrot sticks at Sam and Jason, who were making love in one of Luke's GG coffee pots. Ron had a dream he was being chased by an artichoke which he blamed on Lorelai for mentioning it on an episode.  
  
Jack and Barbossa began singing "we're the pirates who don't do anything!"  
  
Luke GG took a broom and started hitting all the people on General Hospital with it.  
  
Carly whipped the broom away from him and started to seduce Luke. "Let's go down in the closet."  
  
Lorelai ran over to the swearing at Carly. She dumped a chocolate cake on Carly's head.  
  
The Hobbits began playing strip poker with Aragorn.  
  
"I don't have time for this."  
  
Jay was surfing with Erika and Bradin. (All from Summerland) Luke GH yelled at them to get back on the ship.  
  
Luke GG spanked Carly for trying to seduce him. He and Lorelai did it for the 756th time that night.  
  
Edward decided to honor Lila.  
  
Emily tried to skip rope, but fell. Lucky and Nikolas beat each other up trying to help her.  
  
Lorenzo got a stomachache.  
  
Everyone gave Lorelai donations for her inn. She stuck them in her purse, but they wouldn't fit because Rory stuffed 25 heavy books in her purse.  
  
Rory sat reading. Ethan Craft (Lizzie McGuire) came up to her "wanna dance?"  
  
"No I have to read. I know everything so you wouldn't like me."  
  
"I don't know anything. I don't even know where I am." Becka said.  
  
"Cmere lets dance." said Ethan.  
  
Hilary Duff began singing but she was booed off the stage, so she danced with Winnie the Pooh. Michael's tribe planned an ambush against her.  
  
Lady Marmalade played while Faramir and Eowyn (LotR) did it.  
  
Satine's Ghost came in doing the chorus line with Spongebob.  
  
Gordo (Liz McGuire) licked the plates.  
  
Lucky started talking to Elizabeth and debated what metal tasted like. Luke and Lorelai performed Tango el Roxanne.  
  
Jack Sparrow turned into a Swedish chef on vacation.  
  
Kelso started dancing the Salsa  
  
Sonny knelt down on one knee and faced Carly, "Carly I love you. Will you marry me?"  
  
"Sonny we are married."  
  
"I want a real marriage where we don't have affairs, we don't lie, and we remain true only to each other, like normal couples are." Sonny said. He adjusted his green tie with the purple polar bears on it. "I want to renew our wedding vows and really mean them this time." He pulled out a gigantic diamond ring.  
  
"Ohhhh!" Carly burst into tears. "Yes I will! I will marry you Sonny Corinthos!"  
  
He put the ring on her finger.  
  
"HEY! That's my engagement ring!" yelled Emily GH.  
  
"No, you just always assume any huge diamond belongs to you, it's mine! You're still wearing yours." Carly advised her.  
  
"Oh." Emily sighed. She had two great guys, but she didn't know what to do with them. She settled on going to the zoo.  
  
Rory went to the bathroom.  
  
Harry decided to get a new name. He was now Hubert Raul Giovanni Travolta.  
  
"Hubert, you got a new name? How could you! I love Harry, Hubert's an annoying name. I'm never screwing you again!!!" Hermione sobbed.  
  
Aragorn put on a slide show on panda bears.  
  
Then he put on a slide show on Cows.  
  
Lucy started beating up Sam GH. "You stole my husband!"  
  
"She stole mine too!" Carly jumped in, forgetting Sonny was still with her.  
  
"Euw shai vou el shalob del munikato karob DURAN DURAN!!" agreed some woman in Cuba.  
  
"She stole my kumquat seeds!" cried Jackson GG.  
  
"I have an announcement to make!" sang Ken Jennings. Everybody ignored him.  
  
Georgie decided to be paranoid again. "Dillon! Why did you clone yourself? I bet you just wanted them to get girlfriends so you could rub in my face that I can't turn anyone on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess we can't just be friends. Since you hate me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!" Georgie bawled.  
  
A/N Please Review! Flames welcome!  
  
PS: random stuff like: achoo-moo-moo, Barbara manatee, and stuff about a hairbrush, is from Veggie Tales silly songs with Larry. We had to watch it the other day with my little cousin while we baby-sat.  
  
Danielle and Sara 


	3. The Dragonfly Inn Opening

Thank you if you read our story! Please read and review!

Here's chapter 3!

Chapter 3 The Dragonfly Inn Opening

The next day everyone arrived with awful hangovers. Jason Stiles ran up to Lorelai and began bugging her to get back together.

"Jason I am engaged to Luke and I'm carrying his child. I love him and I am freaking over you!!!" Lorelai spat into her coffee.

"So is that a yes?"

Suddenly a shot rang out.

Lorelai shrieked. Jason fell to the ground in a mass of cold blood. It was the opening of the inn and all Jason did to help was get the floor dirty.

Luke stood behind him, "What I don't have a gun!"

Lorelai raced up to him and kissed him fiercely, "I'm in love with you!"

Sonny Corinthos raced in. "Who shot my partner? Was it you?" Sonny pointed a gun at Luke.

"If you kill him, you'll have to kill me first!" Lorelai stepped in front of him to protect her man.

Jason Morgan came in "Sonny what's going on? I'm right here. Now you're going to have to go to court! We're supposed to protect your family!"

Ric came in "Look what we have here. Sonny I will finally lock you up, because I am better than you!"

"Who are you people?" Patrick Star roared above the confusion.

Red came in "Dumbasses! All of you!"

"Well I am the District Attorney of Port Charles." said Ric.

Lucky came in without a shirt. "Has anyone seen Emily?"

"Woo hoo! Is it hott in here or is it just you?" Lorelai exclaimed.

"Actually, it's chilly. I've got to go get the heat on with Em." Lorelai sobbed as Lucky and his Sexy Chest left.

Suddenly, with a glow of radiance, Jasper "Jax" Jacks walked in the inn. Every unworthy woman (all of them) was overwhelmed with all the wonder that is Jasper Jacks and passed out with a swoon on the ground.

"Kick-box!" Jax stated in his sexy Australian accent. Every woman did the Miss Congeniality Moment sign. All of the men rocked back and forth in a corner sobbing uncontrollably eating their hair.

Jax led Courtney to one of the Inn's private Honey Moon suits which was decorated with 1,000 romantic candles and rose petals. "Why don't you just let it?" He said sexily. They passionately made love. (Finally!)

"Dillon hates me because I forced my Perfect, Innocent, and Adorable cousin to kiss me to make him jealous even though I broke up with him in the first place and still have very sexual—ooh—feelings for him!" Georgie whined. The cast of Seinfeld took turns smacking her across the face.

Monk, Monica Bing, and Grandma Hayest walked in hand-in-hand and started cleaning everything and everyone in sight.

Lucy went into labor 8 months early and gave birth to 7 Siamese autistic elves named How, Come, Kevin, Doesn't, Love, Me, and Anymore.

Alice, the Quartermaine maid, kicked down the door that Kevin and Sam were having sex in.

"Lucy wants you to come down and see her new babies. You are the father, don't you remember?" Alice barked. "You are still devoted to her aren't you?"

"The only girl I'm devoted to is Sam. I love her with all my heart and I'm going to raise Lila." Kevin said.

"Jason could be carved in a rock and he wouldn't show any less emotion." Sam yelled.

Lucy ran upstairs. "Kevin here is your children!!!" She showed him 7 tiny elves with and a tube stuck out of each head. The babies were all attached by either a leg or arm. They all looked strangely like teletubbies on crack.

Kevin died.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!" Sam shrieked. She attacked Lucy and all the babies flew out the window and into Luke's truck.

"AW JEEZ!" Luke jumped a mile. Lorelai dropped her coffee and they stopped making-out long enough to see that the babies were dead.

Jack Sparrow sang a ballad about his rum. Suddenly, 7 Siamese tiny elf babies crawled over to his fanny pack and stole a bottle of rum. Before you knew it, you could see Jack Sparrow screaming wildly chasing after 7 drunken babies.

Tracy squealed, "I hate everyone!!!"

"Tracy, you're in pain." Edward explained calmly. Suddenly, Ric and Alexis rolled down the stairs neither of them wearing nothing but matching Leather swimsuits.

Michael and Morgan started a Save the Children campaign on the street corner to save them from their family.

Skye sits in a corner and realizes that she thinks Luke would look sexier as a Lion Tamer.

Lucy sobbed over her lost babies. How, Come, and Anymore came up to her and wiped her eyes. The babies were drunk so they put clothespins all over her. Lucy giggled and clapped her hands.

"Yes my hair is naturally blonde." Carly told Aragorn.

Sonny ate carrots on top of Lorelai's front desk. "How would you like to spend a weekend at the Island?" He asked fluttering his eyelashes.

"I'm with Luke, he's my Coffee Angel." Lorelai told him importantly. Sonny grabbed her and started making-out with her, Lorelai fiercely trying to pull away.

Carly got off of Aragorn's lap "Oh my God! We just got remarried!"

Alcazar came in wearing his scuba gear, and saw Carly alone. "Now's my chance!"

Lucy pounded her fist down on the desk, Kevin and Doesn't tugging on her hair. "I disapprove of infidelity and the mafia! It goes against my religion!"

"You two are great customers." Faith Rosco said to Pippin and Merry referring to the sale of the wigs. "I know another thing to sell you that I'm sure you'll enjoy." She caressed Merry's chest. Then, she turned to Pippin. She shoved him on a couch and leaned over him showing immense cleavage.

"Ooohh! Apples!" Pippin exclaimed. He took the 2 inside her bra and handed one to Merry as Faith pouted and walked off flat-chested.

Gandalf started sliding down all of the stair railings.

All the Quartermaines paraded through the inn.

The Flying Dutchman shot Jack Sparrow with snot from his left nostril again.

"Well, at least I have a career!" Lorelai screamed.

"No you don't." Carly said.

"Whose inn do you think you're standing in?"

"Your mom." Carly said obviously.

Sonny sped thru the inn in a shopping cart.

"You look like you think about it all the time!" Carly said to Matt Camden.

"ZOOOOOOMMMMM!" Sonny yelled obnoxiously.

"What were you doing? We were getting married, having a baby, and you go off kissing some mobster drug addict!" Luke yelled at Lorelai.

Sonny swung from the chandeliers, pounded his bare chest, and farted.

"He grabbed me after I told him I was devoted to you!" Lorelai cried.

"Nobody hurts my baby!" Luke howled. He grabbed 5 BB guns and shot them at Sonny's ass.

Sonny fell to the ground. The floorboards cracked and a huge whole opened up.

A talking purple hummer sped into the inn, the CWAA at the wheel. How, Come, Kevin, Doesn't, Love, Me, and Anymore were their newly ordained members.

Kelso did a one-man version of A Cinderella Story.

"I am Prince Cassadine, heir of the world!" yelled Nikolas, under Helena's control. "I am suing the inn so I can get more money!"

Lorelai sobbed. "No, my dream! Please no!"

Em ran in "Nikolas stop!"

Luke and Nikolas got into a mighty brawl.

"Dumbasses!" Red yelled.

Rory gathered all of the CWAA and started a story circle.

"This is the story of Jacques Fernandodelomanium JimmineyDurango and his conquest in the Mediterranean Sea. Now, sit quietly because there are 83,894,538,814,647,684,134,995,747,941,739,269,195 chapters." All of the children started throwing unripe grapefruit at her head.

Lucy and Arwen raced over to her. "Rory!! Their just jealous! No one has as much flair and expression as you!" Lucy whined.

"Rory of Stars Hollow, it is alright. My hope is with you. Ahhh! Your hands are feeling cold. Stay away from the light." Arwen said pleasantly.

Georgie ran around paranoid.

Courtney and Jax walked down the stair case hand in hand. They were getting married. It was a double wedding with Luke and Lorelai. At the bottom of the staircase, Jason stood as still as stone. They walked right past him. "That's a nice statue you have there Lorelai." Courtney complemented good-naturedly.

"Thanks!" she giggled girlishly. Jason blubbered as he walked to Courtney. He tried to kiss her, but Courtney punched him. "I'm in love with you!" she said to Jax.

Nikolas remembered everything. Helena fell in a ditch.

"Connor," Mary dressed as Scream said reflectively. She held up 10 gardening tools and ran around killing everyone. "Emily must die!!!"

Emily lit a fire under Mary's robe. "Flaming death!" Mary burst into flames.

Tracy began pinching Monica.

Kirk walked up and swept Mary's ashes into a dust pan.

Nikolas and Emily made love on Lorelai's desk.

Brooklyn sang to Lucas and they made-out.

Courtney tripped over a brick on the way down the aisle. "Dammit Jason!"

Jax caught her and said, "why don't you just let it?"

Kirk dressed as a priest greeted the happy couple at the front desk. He ripped a thorny rosebush out of his ass and planted it in the ground.

"We are gathered here today to unite this man and woman in the holy sanctification of matrimony. Will anyone object?" Kirk said reading monotonously from a Japanese phonics book.

The statue of Jason shattered.

Ric and Alexis walked in with 5,674 stuffed animals for Kristina and sat down to watch the ceremony.

The Siamese elves lifted up Lucy and threw her out the window.

Everyone was silent.

"You may now state your vows."

"Courtney you make me so happy and now I always smile 24 hours a day 7 days a week." Jax said, steam rising from his body.

Sookie burst into tears. Carly melted into a puddle of lava from the excessive heat of Jax.

"Help!" Sonny cried. He grabbed tons of popsicles from his ice-cream truck and dumped them on her. "Oooohhhh strawberry."

The CWAA brought in baked cookies for the reception.

"Anyway Courtney this bet was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I found you and I love you more than anything!" Jax then began to sing On the Way Down by Ryan Cabrera. Every female began to sob.

Courtney was hyperventilating as Jax handed her the $10 million dollar check. "But Jax I lost."

"This isn't even enough to be worthy of your love." Jax said, tears stinging his eyes.

"AWWWW!" gushed the crowd.

Sonny doubled over like a hyena laughing like a donkey, snot flying from his nose while snorting like a horse. "Do you all actually believe this bull!" He sat on his orange popsicle, "My buttocks is all wet!" he shrieked.

The crowd pointed their middle fingers and laughed politely.

"You wet your pants daddy." Michael informed him.

"Jason my son has betrayed me! Eliminate him!" Sonny ordered the block of cement on the table.

The CWAA raced off in the hummer.

"Attention please can I continue with the ceremony!" Kirk bellowed.

Gavin DeGraw showed up and started singing "I Don't Want to Be".

Peyton began building her club next door.

Haley and Nathan started making-out furiously. "I love you!" They sang to one another.

"ORDER!" Kirk yelled.

Everyone stopped. Well except for Dan who was asking Sonny to eliminate Lucas...

What will happen next? Will Courtney ever marry Jax? Will Lucas and Michael be okay? What will happen next to Lucy?!!

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!!!


	4. A Field Trip to Doose's Market

Hey ya'll!

Been a while since we posted this! We're so sorry, life has been so busy… Well, we wrote this a while ago, but we just didn't get to post this, so for those of you who are fans of the soaps or Gilmore Girls/One Tree Hill, etc. we're probably a little behind in this and the next chapter! We'll catch up, but now, R&R and enjoy!

Danielle + Sara

Ch 4: A Field Trip To Doose's Market

That evening, everyone gave up on fighting with each other, made peace, and settled on nibbling on bushels of sweet tarts. Then they had a sleepover.

The next morning, at the Dragonfly, Justice Quartermaine stood up at the head of the table.

"I have to run an errand." He cleared his throat smartly.

Suddenly, a gazillion bumblebees with microscopic heads that looked strangely like Taylor buzzed around shouting "Go to Doose's Market" until Justice went into a fit of convulsions.

He morphed into Marcos from The Humorous Author's sister's integrated Math class, and went to sharpen his pencil.

"Cool it, Marco." Glenn from Rory's boring school newspaper said.

"POLO!" Mary's math class shouted across the country.

Tracy Q grinned slyly.

Luke Danes and Sonny Corinthos exchanged hi-fives.

All of the woman in the world giggled.

Charley/Merry sneezed.

The entire cast of our grand story marched in single file to Doose's Market. It took them 17 days to get there because the line was too long.

Since everyone was in such a happy mood, Taylor politely passed out free coupons.

Haley sang The Piano Man prettily.

Miss Patty, her apples, the CWAA, and a pack of wild boars from the New Hit Show Lost charged down the streets with flaming torches and pitchforks and Simon Cowell's black t-shirts after Matt Kula for playing the song The Piano Man on WSCS and getting it stuck in the Author's head.

Jason the Brick was a HERO!

He was used as Richard Gilmore's paperweight, after Rory stole him from Doose's thinking it was Corn Starch and left him at his pool house. After putting Jason to work, Richard decided he would look prettier at his office. On his way there, he ran into Emily and as an excuse to why he was in his own house without permission, he gave it to her as a present.

"Oh thank you, I love bricks Richard! I even have my own collection! Kiss me now!" They made up and out.

Alexis and Ric made out. After making out, they looked through the Bone Marrow aisle.

"It's no luck. Kristina will die! The world is exploding, wow it's getting hot in here. I think I had too much sex. I DON'T WANT TO TELL SONNY HE'S THE FATHER!" Alexis panted like a dog. Ric kissed her. She hovered 3 feet above the ground like a 3 Musketeer Bar. It took the firemen to pull her down. "Sonny is such a bastard!" she sobbed. Ric shoplifted a glass of water to give her.

Happy the dog gave birth to 3 kittens and a mouse.

Carly smacked him out of jealousy. "No fair! I want more kids then Lorelai! Sob sob sob sob sob!"

Heather Webber drugged Lorelai's coffee. Lorelai foolishly drank it all, because of her caffeine high, and died. Luke cried until he had water up his nose.

Everyone held a funeral for her lead by Kirk. Everyone fell to their knees crying. Their tears slowly floated towards her stone body like pretty sparkles. Lorelai glowed and came back to life like Ash Ketchum.

Luke gave everyone free pie.

Sam (GH) and Taylor got into a fistfight over the latest hairstyle.

Jack Sparrow bought out the candy aisle. He then rammed through a wall in an animated ship and turned into Captain Crunch.

Rory, Lucy, and Arwen decided to buy all of the goldfish and raise a family together.

Sonny modeled his newest fashion of black leather pants, a shirt made of dental floss, a necklace of shining bling-bling that said, "Gangsters Heart John Kerry", and a pile of fresh dirt on his head.

Sam and Taylor decided to make a truce by remodeling the market pink with orange stripes after agreeing that perms weren't out of style, they were just retro.

Gollum sent Ellen DeGeneres a package of World Peace.

Sonny showed up and said "DUH!" rather loudly.

Alcazar showed up and gunned him down. Suddenly, a gun shot off, Alcazar was dead.

"Thank god that gangster is dead!" Brookie breathed a sigh of relief.

Lois burst into tears. Lucy, Arwen, and Rory fanned her with sticks.

Sonny chased Michael around in numerous circles growling and slobbering ferociously like a beast, because Michael said he wet his pants.

The rest of the CWAA came to his rescue, and they all held hands and floated up to the ceiling and flew out of the nearest window like the kids in the Finding Neverland.

Sonny started crying and licked his toes.

Jack Sparrow started steering his new ship around the town square singing "The Water Buffalo Song".

Taylor ran around his circles like a chicken with its head cut off because everyone was destroying his Market.

Logan, Rory, Lucy, and Arwen held a contest on who could jump off the most buildings in an hour with snazzy umbrellas.

Suddenly, the Wicked Witch of the East appeared in a cloud of green smoke. Lucy, Rory, and Arwen started attacking her with their pink umbrellas, but it was no use.

Carly floated from the sky with a bucket of water and poured it on her.

"I'm melting! MELTING!" The witch cried, as she melted to a puddle of green goo on the floor.

Grandma Hayest walked to the puddle with a mop and cleaned it up.

Lorelai shot Carly for saving the day, and she died. Sonny walked up to her in sweat pants and a necklace saying Mobsters Heart George Bush and held a gun on her.

Monk tried to stop him but was shot instead. A funeral was held for him, led by Sonny because he forgot Carly never told him about Kristina and was relieved she was dead.

Monk laid in a coffin that immensely resembled the coffin in Sleeping Beauty with cute animals. Grandma Hayest and Monica gently placed a bottle of Clorox in the coffin.

Squidward Tentacles cleverly took the Clorox and sprayed Monk's face with it. Monk came back to life!

Squidward serenaded the world with his clarinet. Everyone hid under a pillow for days because he sucked.

Carly came back to life because she was fond of bad music.

Sam cried because her baby was dead.

"It's ok… The angels wanted her in heaven. She is too precious for earth!" Jason told her sounding godly.

The market was filled with a cold wind. "Remember! Remember who you are!" Mufasa boomed.

"I can't! My baby is gone! I feel completely empty with out her! There's a place in my heart that is empty now!" She sobbed. Everyone on Earth bowed and cried with her like the Pokemon on the movie. Even the Author is crying…………

"There's a place for us!" someone sang.

It was a sad moment.

"Oh where is my Hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where oh where, oh where oh where, oh where oh where, oh where oh where, OH WHE-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ERE—IS MY HAIRBRUSH?" Ashton Kutcher did a One-man version of the Veggie Tale Countdown Video.

Harry Potter crashed through the window on a broom.

Voldemort, Gollum, and Sauron played bocce ball. It was fun.

"Well, I'm having an affair with Dr. Steven Lars!" Carly shouted.

"Being LOYAL is a good thing!" Lorelai informed her.

"Since when? I thought we were competing to see who had more lovers and kids?" Carly asked her.

"Yeah, well, we were competing to see who was a better mom and wife too." Lorelai said.

"Oh, well let's just fight."

"Ok."

Nomad tapped Mary on the shoulder. She giggled.

Johnbot baked a pie. "If I changed 3 diapers, and calculated how many Skittles could fill up Lake Huron, and sold 11,000 Girl Scout cookies, what would be the favorite color of the Vice President of James Polk?"

"X49+ ½." Rory answered.

"Correct!" Johnbot smiled. "Now, if Gimli slipped on 19 banana peels and Santa Clause skipped 26 houses this year, how far can Jack Nicholson spit sunflower seeds?"

"Carson City, Nevada, 1408." Rory said boringly.

"Right! Alright, one more. If Miss Patty seduced Luke 12 times in two hours, and Drew Carry swallowed 11 pineapples, and 2 oranges were 17 centimeters wide, what would be on the other side of the rainbow?"

"39,000,000 and 6/11 of bologna."

"Good!" John smiled.

"Jason! I want my baby back! But I know I can't have her. I want another baby." Sam was close to tears.

Jason, "(blank stare)."

"Jason, I want to have a baby with you." Sam said seriously.

Jason, "(blank stare)."

"Now, if Nicole Kidman carved 70 pumpkins and I had a pillow fight with a dog, why would a bird eat 3 forks and a lion?"

"79 Jewish Holidays and a rotten tomato." Rory said proudly.

"No!" The world gasped.

"No, 79 Jewish Holidays, a rotten tomato, and one of Miss Spuckler's big pink bows." Johnbot whispered happily.

"Wahh!" Rory sobbed.

"It's alright, Rory, just breathe into this happy paper bag." Lucy complained.

Suddenly, some preschoolers and the CWAA marched in a line with their hands on their hips.

"Do you know you guys were once as cute as them?" Mrs. Consilio said to her homeroom class who wasn't listening to her. "Then you turned into teenagers!" Mrs. Consilio gobbled like a turkey and laughed until she popped.

Her head shot into the air like Francine's from Arthur.

Luke and Lorelai (who were canoodling) paused to watch in awe.

Meanwhile, Faith Rosco, from wherever she was at the moment, had a strong impulse to write the letter "P" on her hand.

Ashton Kutcher did a One Man performance of "The Bratz, 1st Original Movie".

"I'm glad you're here Nellie, I think we'll be great friends!" exclaimed bratty Samantha.

Sonny pulled out a machine gun and shot her.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Aragorn threw himself in front of Samantha and took the bullet.

59 snails plodded into the Doose's and latched themselves on Sonny and swallowed him.

Aragorn lay bleeding on the floor and he died.

Ch 5 will be up soon!


	5. The Modeling Show

Back again! In the middle of this chapter, the soaps and dramas will randomly be updated to the seasons of 2005/2006! Sorry so unorganized!

In the last chapter, Aragorn just died a traumatic death, Sonny was swallowed by snails, and Ashton Kutcher just did a one-man version of The Bratz, 1st Original Movie! Whatever will happen next?

Disclaimer: We don't own any of the awesome shows/movies/whatever. Darn.

RR&E (Read, Review, & Enjoy!)

Ch 6: The Modeling Show

"NOOOOO!" yelled all the fan girls in the world.

"There is a way to save him!" Gandalf hollered.

"How?" they cried in deep remorse.

"He is in a deep coma, and he has cancer. You must put on a fashion show to raise money for St. Jude's Very Old Men Hospital." Gandalf spun around quickly and appeared in a very snazzy shiny green suit and a tie with purple spots. "I'll pay for all of the expenses as long as I can run it. After all, I care very deeply for him too you know." He added very quietly.

"YAY!" They all chuckled girlishly.

"Ewwww," Annette pointed at him.

Steven Webber tripped and his robe fell off. "I want to do stuff with you and the kids aren't home." Carly said, glaring at Lorelai.

"I have a sex partner too!" Lorelai said. "And I don't have to be a slut either!"

"Shut up!" yelled Mrs. Crabby.

Steven raced in riding a wagon and crashed into the speakers that were set up in Tric.

Didn't we mention that everyone is now inside Peyton's club?

"Attention everyone!" yelled Kelso.

"This is a fundraiser for St. Jude's Hospital." said Frodo, licking the Ring.

"Now we must present to you two damn sexy…I mean special men," Samwise announced, "that will gladly present to you the latest styles."

Jax came out and women began melting. He wore nothing.

But after awhile, they started to get bored.

The lights shut off.

A loud cry echoed thru the hall. Lucy was crying.

"Ladies and girls!" announced Johnny Depp. "I present to you, KEITH URBAN!"

Keith's sexy body came out on stage wearing a tight t-shirt and jeans. He played his guitar and a wave of lava swam thru the stage.

Every girl fainted from his hotness as the sexy Aussie country star dashingly preformed his six-week single hit "Somebody Like You".

Gollum appeared out of the lava holding THE RING!

The attention was unfairly ripped from Keith and everyone turned to Gollum. They stared at him, and then started to scream.

"My Precious!" He hissed viciously, and scrambled on stage to Keith Urban. Keith Urban held out his guitar and swung it at Gollum's head.

The world cheered.

Next on stage was Ben from 7th Heaven. He was wearing a brown suit. He was with his new bride, Senator Cleary's daughter.

"You are my port in the storm." Ben said.

His bride sobbed.

"Pay up," John told Jeremy.

Everyone tried not to laugh at them, but it failed. Ben started crying and Lucy ran on stage to hug him. When Kevin saw this, he turned to Napoleon Dynamite next to him and kicked him in the shins.

"Gosh!" Napoleon sighed.

Lorelei walked over to Carly, who was now wearing a strait jacket and bit her arm.

"Haa haaa haaaa." She said. "At least I'm not in a mental institution!"

"SONNY!" Carly wailed and curled into a ball.

Sonny, who popped out of a snail, went over to Jason and Sam who were sitting by some palm trees in their new home and said, "You are not loyal." Jason spit at Sonny's feet, because he didn't know who he was, and didn't feel like shooting people for him anymore.

Rory and Lorelei bumped into each other at the salad bar.

"You were right." Rory said.

"Come home." Lorelai said.

Then Kirk preformed his Journey Through Life and all who survived, were too disturbed to talk ever again.

Diego went over to Brooklyn, who he drugged and said, "I'm the stalker drug man. I am insane. I am doing this to avenge the death of my cousin Sage."

"Why?" Brooklyn sobbed.

"Hee hee, I caught you Diego. I know you are the stalker!" Dillon and his 2 clones said robotically.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Diego screamed in a high soprano shriek and started running because there were so many Dillons.

He ran head first into the nearest wall and died. No one attended his funeral.

Morge was the coolest person you could ever meet.

He walked over to Carly and laughed at her stupidness. Carly couldn't see him because he was invisible to all un-cool people.

Suddenly, Ron Burgendy showed up in the BEST SUIT EVER. He started to do the catwalk on the stage.

"YOU CAN USE MY DESK THEN AFTERWORDS WE CAN GO TO LUNCH!" He said to Lorelai.

"No sorry, I'm taken. I'm loyal too. But if you want someone who isn't, there's a slut named Carly Corinthos who lives at Rose lawn." She replied simply.

"Isn't that a mental institution?" He asked.

"Yes it is." Lorenzo Alcazar showed up sobbing and flew away on a turkasaurus rex.

"Sounds like he has mental problems…MAN!" Ellen DeGeneres said.

Luke Danes started a science project. He studied to see how many jobs Kirk had.

Harry Potter came on stage. He walked over to Carly and threw her across the room.

"I got jimmies!" Ric said.

Everyone chuckled.

Ron and Harry went up to Snape, the evil potions master.

"BOTHER BOTHER!" They slapped him and ran away giggling.

Lucy and Arwen and Rory decided to bake a cake. It had gross frosting that tasted like a whole lot of pink insulation.

Sam and Jason and Paris Geller made one too. It was good at first, but then Paris Geller tried to write complicated math facts on the icing with a marker and it ruined.

Arwen, Lucy, and Rory went over to their cake and knocked it over.

"Wahh!" Paris cried, slapping Rory. She smeared cake on her face.

"Grrrrrrr…" Rory growled viciously. She took her cake and threw it at Paris. Everyone got into a cake fight.

"My tummy itches." Brick said.

The CWAA initiated their new members. Martha, Sookie and Jackson's baby, Cameron, Elizabeth's baby, Molly, Alexis and Ric's baby, and Jenny, Jake's baby, were welcomed.

Nikki from One Tree Hill ran up to Peyton and scratched her. "I want my baby back!" she screamed.

Peyton blinked.

She and Jake made out.

Grandma, Monk, and Monica Bing went over to the cake mess and cleaned it up with a snap of their fingers.

"Oh my god." Lucy said when she saw them. "Are you my fairy godmother?" She asked them. Wonder and awe were in her eyes.

"You're grounded!" Eric Camden screamed at her. "You swore!"

Lucy sobbed.

Carly escaped from the mental institution.

"Sonny! Save me!" She yelled. Sonny didn't notice because he was making love to Reese Marshall.

"Fairy godmother! Can you save me?" Lucy asked them.

"NO." They said. They howled with laughter.

"Haaa haaa." The Authors laughed. "You deserve to be laughed at, pointed at, and embarrassed!"

Jeremy and John from wedding crashers crashed the party. "I don't even wear a belt. Beltless!" yelled Jeremy

"Ohhh can I rip it offfff thennn!" slurred Carly, spit flying from her mouth.

"N-n-no I just said I didn't wear one. W-w-why are you yelling at me?" Jeremy said.

All the ballerinas from Ms. Patty's dance studio came out singing "Magic To Do"

Kelso jumped up and down in the confetti and ate some.

"Look guys I'm riding a furry tractor!" exclaimed Brick.

The channel 4 news team gathered on stage and sang "Afternoon Delight".

Everyone clapped politely.

Everyone stopped as Paul Anka, Lorelai's dog, started barking.

There was a fire!

"Luke, Luke, Luke look look look! Haha I just made that up, it just came out!" Sookie giggled.

Mike appeared and curled up in a chair playing with his hair. "I tried to cut my hair, but the scissors were dull."

"WAH WAHHHH!" yelled everyone in the club.

"OKAY!" yelled Brick.

Sonny came out heroically, in a yellow fire-fighters outfit. "Don't fear everyone! I will save you!"

Alcazar appeared and pulled out 2 pistols. Sonny and him got into a shoot out with their pistols and started hovering in the air. Jango Fett joined them, and the three shot at each other while flames engulfed the building.

"News team, assemble!" Ron Burgandy hollered after blowing into a bell shell.

The Channel 4 News Team gathered together. Suddenly, Wes Mantooth's news crew, and other news crews appeared.

"Como estan beetches!" Ben Stiller cried. "You can't have a blood fest with out Channel 10 Spanish News Team."

Master Yoda appeared from the skies in his small cool little capsule he left the Wookies in, in Episode III.

"Fear, you must not." He said. He started zapping all the flames with his eye powers.

"AAAAA-OOOO!" Ron Burgandy's News Team cried.

"WOOOOOOOOT!" Karen from One Tree Hill cheered.

"Sounds like she has mental problems…MAN!" Matt commented.

The CWAA ran over to Sonny in another attempt to overthrow him and all the Mobster evilness of the world.

"Everyone throw buns NOW!" Molly screamed in a shockingly mature voice for a newborn baby. They all took out hamburger buns and started pelting him with them.

"Wasn't Uncle Rico the guy stuck in '82? Didn't he think he was a quarterback and really wanted to go back in time to be a quarterback? Did he sell soap?" Uncle Mike popped up out of nowhere and babbled.

"Who invited that guy?" Matt said. "Literally. Who invited him?"

Next on the runway were Ron Burgandy and his Channel 4 News team all sporting fashionable new suits they got from the Toilet Store.

"Give me MY PRECIOUS!" Frodo shrieked and scampered onstage to Ron and started biting at his class ring.

"You know, if you were a man I'd punch you. Right in the mouth." Ron said looking disgusted. Frodo whimpered and started sucking his toes.

As Ron Burgandy pulled out his Jazz Flute, A hot Wilson from Related walked onstage without a shirt on.

"Oh my Lord! Thank you Jesus!" Ernest Angley shouted in the back of the room.

Everyone looked around uncomfortably. "No, it's the Pope!"

"Oh." They said calmly as Pope Benedict XVI walked through the room.

"Help! Help!" Sookie screamed, running from the kitchen. Orange and Red flames moved into the hall, as something caught fire for about the 19th time this fanfiction.

"O my god!" Squidward Tentacles shrieked. "There's a man on fire!"

Brick grinned mischievously in the corner of the room. "Yeah, there were horses and a man on fire and I stabbed a guy with a Trident."

"BOOOOOO!" Everyone chanted as Lucy Camden walked on stage.

"Um, hi, I just wanted to give my sermon on the difference between Bunnies and Rabbits." She smiled kindly.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" she shrieked as Lorenzo Alcazar charged at her with a butterfly net. He scooped her into the net and ran into the kitchen and dumped her into a cauldren.


End file.
